Ok so maybe... =)

Hello blog world.. I have some sad news, my right knee has decided that running is a bad thing... Seriously I am sad. But to top it off I am also nervous, scared and completely beside myself..   Not about my knee, but because I have a serious fear of gaining weight.  I fear losing control of my weight loss and taking either a step back or a break all together.  I know I am not the only one out there who feels this way... Don't get me wrong I am concerned about my knee. I don't want this to be anything serious. But in all honesty there is a part of me who wants to run regardless of the pain.  Is this dedication or just craziness?   I am dedicated to my body, to making her physically better.  And while I know running on an already damaged knee will only hurt my knee more.. Something in my gray matter says do it.  Because losing weight is way more important then anything else.  Fighting this urge to run only brings out other bad habits.  I am grumpy, stressed, and I have the tendency to grab for the wrong kinds of foods.. Which will only add to my problem if I see the weight on that scale go up. Sadly I like many other people have tied myself worth up in the number I see on the scale.  When the number goes down I feel better about who I am.. If it stays the same or goes up, well lets just say my days are not very happy.  I am my worst critic and I judge myself harshly.   I have allowed people who do not deserve to be apart of my life, either because of their actions or lack there of action to have some place in how I see my self worth.  At times I think to myself I will show them. When I am super fit then they will.. Wrong, if they cannot see it now, I shouldn't give them room in my life to see it later.  My own personal self worth has brought to my attention that they do not deserve to know me or have me in their lives.

I made a promise to myself when I started this I would type not only the good stuff but the not so good stuff and the sometimes painful stuff.  I am doing this because massive changes in anyone's life is scary and along with fear comes self doubt and sometimes self hatred before self awareness even begins to register with that gray matter.  I so want whoever is reading this to know that if you feel the same way you are so not alone.. 

My appointment with an orthopedic surgeon is on Friday Nov 2nd.. But until then I need to respect my body.  It has drawn the line and told me "YOU have reached your limit."  Now I need to be creative..  What to do tomorrow, what to do...

I am popping Aleve fairly regular and honestly my knee feels pretty good right now. I make no promises as to how long I will stay on my cardio equipment of choice. But I am going to try and do a nice 30 minute warm up. 

30 min warm up.. AMT or Elliptical...  It's my knees choice tomorrow.. Which ever one doesn't hurt is going to be the one I play with. 

Lat pull down 15x3

Chest Press on balance ball 20x3

1 min plank

Big Girl Pushups 15x3

Half Crow 20x3 

30 second side plank each side

bicep curls 15x3

tricep extentions on balance ball 15x3

Now this sounds like FUN!

Namaste exjunk food junkies!